Long And Winding Road

While talking to a friend today, the subject of my adoption came up. Why did it come up you ask? Because I received a call from my birth mother at work today. I hadn't spoke with her in many many months. She is on the batshit crazy side and a bit fried due to a life filled with drugs. Apparently, the side effects have lasted well into her latter years. But I digress.... my friend really didn't know the details of the opening phase of this chapter in my life, so I decided to re-publish my initial entry from a blog I had in a former life. So pack a lunch....Here goes.... it's really, really long :-)


October 26, 2005

9:38 am Trying to process this new development in my world is intense, to say the least. Thank G-d for Elaine, my searcher. She has been an angel and over the past week has become a significant part of my life.

Now that my head is clearer, I can document better how it went down (more for myself than anything :-):

Thurs Oct 20th:

I posted my info on the NYA list in the evening.

15 minutes later I get an e-mail from Elaine telling me she is going to find them for me and that I should call her.

We talk for a while and then she gets to work. And when I say gets to work.... she is persistant, determined and will call anyone anytime to get results.


Fri Oct 21st:

Calls and e-mails back and forth with Elaine - she has contacted a few men with the last name I had at birth. The men in a family are they key to finds as unlike women, their last names don't change. She spoke to a few people, but nothing yet.

She gives me homework. I have to go to the NYC library and go back again into the NYC Birth Index books and get the names of males born in 1945, 1946 and 1947 with the last name I was born with. This is the key.

From the info I was given by the agency that now has possession of my records (the original one is out of business - GOOD. More about that later), my birth mother and her older brother were extremely close in age. Elaine figured out that they are about a year apart. He was a freshman in college when I was born and she was 18 - she did the math.


Sat Oct 22:

Cold rainy day - but I trek into the City to do my homework.

The Geneology Room was packed. There were lots of adoptees/searchers looking at the books doing their own research. I managed to find the books I need and start writing names.

There was one name in particular that stuck out - it was the birthday. I put a big question mark next to it, packed up my things and went home to e-mail Elaine my results.

SIDENOTE: I was at the Library a few years ago to research my info. I had found out that an adoptees birth certificate number never changes. Lighbulb went on and I went to the library. I was there for 6 hours looking through the index books from 1965. Why 6 hours?? Because the books are arranged by last name, not number. I had to go through each freaking name in the book and try to match the number. I finally did - right before the Library was going to close. I also took the names of all the females born in 1947 - knowing ones of those names was my birth mother. There were 4 names and one listed as "female"....

Back home around 4:00 - e-mailed my findings to Elaine and started waiting. She was out for the day and most of the evening so I knew it wouldn't be until Sunday that I would hear from her.

THE DAY - Sunday Oct 23rd:

I was on my way to the City at about 10:30 to meet my sister and Mom for lunch and to see "Trailer Park".

My cell phone rings at 11:00 - it was Elaine. I didn't really think anything of it because we had been talking for days.

She asked how my drive in was going, traffic, etc... and told me to keep my eyes on the road - or better yet pull over. That's when I knew she had something to tell me.

Remember the male's name I put a question mark next to? Bingo. It was her brother. Elaine spoke to his wife who confirmed that she did indeed have the right family and that she knew all about me. He happened to be home and literally almost fainted. He spoke to Elaine for a few minutes and needed to hang up to collect his thoughts.

11:30 - my cell rings again - Elaine. She tells me that he called her back and gave her his mother's phone number and that she spoke to her. They are all in Florida - and bracing for the hurricane. Little did she know that hurricane Lisa was about to descend on them.

Elaine tells me that the first thing my b-grandmother said was "I have to talk to her - have her call me".

Keep in mind that this is all happening while I am waiting to meet my Mom and sister for our Girl's Day Out!

11:45 - I call (my b-grandmother) - it was rather amazing. She was calm and collected for about 5 minutes and then she broke down. She kept telling me that it was a miracle and that they had tried to look for me for a very long time.

After about 10 minutes on the phone with her - she says "Oh - my daughter just came in from the pool - I'm sure she wants to talk to you (she was laughing when she said this). I almost passed out. (my birth mother) was there to make sure her mother was ok during the hurricane. Birth-grandmother hands the phone over to her and says "Your daughter is on the phone". So, birthmother gets on the phone and says "So, you are still alive?". I said "uuuumm yeah..." In the background I hear birth-grandmother say... "No, this is your FIRST daughter". (That's when I knew I had a sister!)

Birth-mother then starts to cry. We had a nice talk for about 15 minutes - then I realized I had to meet my sister and mother and had to get off the phone.

It took all the strength and willpower I possessed to act as natural as possible when I met up with them. My sister looked at me knowing I had something to tell her - Mom had no clue. We went to lunch - when Mom had to go to the ladies room - I knew I had about 3 minutes to fill my sister in on what had happened this morning. So I told her as much as I could before my mother got back to the table.

Since Sunday, I have spoken to them AND my niece a few times. A lot of questions were answered and even more popped up - so this is going to be a long and winding road.

Very short list of things I did find out:

My birth father is deceased. He died in a drug related car accident. He was a troubled person. (Elaine has found his brother, who is a doctor and left messages for him to call her). That is going to be a trip!

My birth mother and my Mom have THE SAME birthday (different years, but holy shit) She was the one listed as "female" in the birth index.

I have a half sister - who has a 9 year old daughter . I spoke to her also - she is wonderful! My half sister is missing (she is a drug addict and disappeared - I don't know how long she has been gone - I will get more info on that in the coming days)

My birth name, Lorell, came from a L'Oreal ad featuring beautiful redheads. Too funny! (Dreamgirls! - I was first)

I have a lot of family that I will need to be in touch with. It seems that the entire family knew about me. I was told that my existance was not a "dirty family secret" and that everyone knew.

So.... that's the story so far......

I'm doing quite well with this. It's a very odd situation to be in, but has been suprisingly comfortable.

6-21-07 NOT the end of the story by any means, but I will save that for another time.....