Sick & Tired

Someone once said to me that I would regret not getting married and having kids - because who will help take care of me when I am alone, sick and need help? They were right.

Because now... it would be nice to have someone to come home to to let me complain about the tests they are doing on me and just be there for me. I am so tired of taking care of everything myself - and now that I am ill.... it's getting sorta tough. I can't wait until they finally put me on meds so that I will get some relief.... physical and emotional. Helping the physical will help the emotional. It's the nature of what is going wrong. Everything is breaking down right now.... and it's hard to get someone to really understand that when I say I am tired.... it's soul crushing exhaustion. I don't sleep. Possibly 2 hrs a night for a few months now. The physical pain is really hard to deal with. Everything hurts. By the end of the day.... I can barely get myself into my car. It is really upsetting when it's blown off.......

I don't want to burden my Mom, etc... by constantly calling - so I try and keep it to a minimum, and have to restrain myself from calling and complaining.

Like I said - eventually when I see the specialists.... most of the symptoms will at least subside a bit ... they better, because I don't know how much I can put up with.

I've always joked around and said "oh, my niece will take care of me when I am old and need family"... well, right now, she is 7 1/2 ... so yeah... not exactly equipped yet - even though she is the light of my life.

Oh, and what about friends? When you need someone to turn to - you really see all to well who is a real presence in your life and who is a "ghost". Unfortunately, I have more ghosts than I particularly care to have - and when all you need is a hug - vapor isn't very comforting.

Radioactive

I think the kids in the after school science class rather enjoyed the geiger counter crazily going off when passed along my throat. No there is no danger.... just the remnants of a scan. One asked if I knew what super power I was going to develop :-)