Sick & Tired

Someone once said to me that I would regret not getting married and having kids - because who will help take care of me when I am alone, sick and need help? They were right.

Because now... it would be nice to have someone to come home to to let me complain about the tests they are doing on me and just be there for me. I am so tired of taking care of everything myself - and now that I am ill.... it's getting sorta tough. I can't wait until they finally put me on meds so that I will get some relief.... physical and emotional. Helping the physical will help the emotional. It's the nature of what is going wrong. Everything is breaking down right now.... and it's hard to get someone to really understand that when I say I am tired.... it's soul crushing exhaustion. I don't sleep. Possibly 2 hrs a night for a few months now. The physical pain is really hard to deal with. Everything hurts. By the end of the day.... I can barely get myself into my car. It is really upsetting when it's blown off.......

I don't want to burden my Mom, etc... by constantly calling - so I try and keep it to a minimum, and have to restrain myself from calling and complaining.

Like I said - eventually when I see the specialists.... most of the symptoms will at least subside a bit ... they better, because I don't know how much I can put up with.

I've always joked around and said "oh, my niece will take care of me when I am old and need family"... well, right now, she is 7 1/2 ... so yeah... not exactly equipped yet - even though she is the light of my life.

Oh, and what about friends? When you need someone to turn to - you really see all to well who is a real presence in your life and who is a "ghost". Unfortunately, I have more ghosts than I particularly care to have - and when all you need is a hug - vapor isn't very comforting.

Radioactive

I think the kids in the after school science class rather enjoyed the geiger counter crazily going off when passed along my throat. No there is no danger.... just the remnants of a scan. One asked if I knew what super power I was going to develop :-)

Whenever you are feeling stupid - read these....

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?


Answer: 'I would not live forever, because we should not
live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever,
then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever,
which is why I would not live forever,'


-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest .

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'Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids
all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love
to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and
death and stuff.'
--Mariah Carey

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'Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very
important part of your life,'
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become
Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign .

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'I've never had major knee surgery on any other part
of my body,'
-- Winston Bennett,
University of Kentucky basketball forward .

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'Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the
lowest crime rates in the country,'
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

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'I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through
our papers. We are the president.'
-- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of
subpoenaed documents.

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'That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death
by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,'
--A congressional candidate in Texas .

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'Half this game is ninety percent mental.'
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

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'It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's
the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.'
--Al Gore, Vice President


And ..


'We are ready for an unforeseen event that
may or may not occur.'
-- Al Gore, VP

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'I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix .'


-- Dan Quayle

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<>'We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much
clean air do we need ?'
--Lee Iacocca

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'The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A
genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.' -
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

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'We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude
certain types of people.'
-- Colonel Gerald & nbsp;Wellman, ROTC Instructor .

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'If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.'

--Bill Clinton, President

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'Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come
from overseas.'
--Keppel Enderbery


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'Your food stamps will be stopped effective
March 1992 because we received notice that
you passed away. May God bless you. You may
reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.'
--Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina

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'If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack
in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their
heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when
they wake up dead, there'll be a record.'
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
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Feeling smarter yet?

That's What Friends Are For

They:

are there when things are good or bad
and don't run at the first sign of a conflict
"get" your quirks
and don't judge you because of them
let you be stupid when you need to be
and understand why
are concerned with silence
are honest and appreciate honesty back
allow you in when they need someone
respect your feelings and
don't take your friendship for granted
don't make assumptions based on idle chatter
aren't afraid to tell you that they are glad you are their friend.

Late Monday Musing

After seeing Across the Universe again, I realized that while Jim Sturgess is immensely talented, I felt myself more drawn to Joe Anderson. Maybe because of the raw emotionality of his part, or maybe because he is.... hot. OK - Definitely both.

Goodbye Uncle Jack

Earlier this week my Uncle Jack passed away in Florida. He was the last of my grandparent's generation and was very special to me, as was my Auntie Anne (his wife). She passed away a couple of years ago. Uncle Jack would have been 99 in a few months and almost up until the end was still his gregarious self. Until recently he was still playing golf!

Jack was my Grandma Betty's brother-in-law and we saw him and Anne quite often. They were always so full of life and love for the family and I was always so excited when they visited.

I wish I could have visited with him one last time....... but isn't that always the case?

Crossroads

A crossroad. You don't see it coming most of the time until you are staring it directly in the face. It doesn't really matter what it is - it could be work, or deciding to change your appearance, not liking your where you are living and moving, or relationships. It can be simple as a haircut or more life changing.

Yesterday while wandering peacefully around Central Park, several scenarios came to mind that I had time to think clearly about without the interruptions of "daily life". It was rather lovely to be able to just have a stream of consciousness going.

One of thoughts that came meandering in was - when is it ok to give up when something is not working for you? When is the point where it's too much to keep going, and be able to find the strength to let go for your own well being? Taking control comes easy for some people..... it takes me forever to make those decisions because I tend to hang in there until it's too late. It's my faith and optimism that it's all ok that sometimes prevents me from seeing clearly. When the clouds finally part, I have a tough time dealing with the fallout, but eventually know exactly why things happen the way they do. There are the times of course, where I have a laser sharp vision right from the get go, but let things develop and see how they pan out. I am almost always right about my first vibes.

So now, at a crossroad... I have some decisions to make.

Fun With Weight Watchers Points

There is a site I use for reference when I need help with knowing how many points certain foods have. It was been a very valuable tool in helping me make healthy choices. I have tested some of the values and most of them are almost dead on within a half a point.

Here are some of the more eclectic values for those whose tastes run towards the adventurous:

Emu,cooked

1 oz.

1

Butter,regular

1 cup

51

Now *there's* a tasty treat eaten only while calling the cardiologist

Frog's legs,fried

2 (3 oz. with bone)

4

because really, fried WITHOUT the bone?... how gauche

Armadillo,cooked

1 oz.

1

Beaver,cooked

1 oz.

1

(insert joke here....)

Brewer's yeast

1 tsp.

0

Now, who is eating this as a snack?

Buffalo, water cooked

1 oz.

1

God knows, you wouldn't want to fry this to make it even tastier.....

Caribou,cooked

1 oz.

1

the point value that every overweight lion needs to have as a reference

Cholent

1 1/2 cups

5

I just felt every Jew reading this... shiver with disgust

Raccoon,cooked

1 oz.

2

apparently a beaver is leaner

Squirrel,cooked

1 oz.

1

hhhummmm - there is plenty of free food in my parking lot

As much fun as the listing of food can be - it really is a valuable tool in making decisions.

The Queen of White Lies

So I'm driving home from the City really, really late one night last week and a song came on the radio that I fell in love with immediately. - The Queen of White Lies. I found out that it is by a young local NYC band called the Orion Experience, led by Orion Simprini- they are so much fun. A little poppy throwback with an energetic, fresh great sound. Check them out - the album is called Cosmicandy.

Some lyrics from The Queen of White Lies:

Ooh you're like that Cheshire Cat,
There's a devil that resides behind your smile.
You've got them diamond eyes, they hypnotize
You're unsuspecting victims with your style.

A Rose By Any Other Name....

It just subliminally says....

GET ME A VAGINA AND QUICK!

Unicorns Suck

$30 in gas
$16 for the Bridge
$4 various "change" tolls
$13 lunch
$3.00 gummy peaches
adds up to
$66 in expenses for me to go to Atlantic City for the day

I actually only lost $10 gambling........ but ended up $76 down for the day......

HOWEVER, spending time with my friend - priceless..


Tip - don't play the Unicorn video slot - it has no rhyme or reason and cannot be figured out by anyone except the best brains at NASA.

*I have to edit this to add $10 for parking :-) - so the grand total loss was $86 - I may need to re-think the logistics of these trips......

Like A Bad Penny

Like the proverbial bad penny - voila, I show up again. It's been a very long time since I've felt the motivation to write anything.

Some of you have been asking about my trip to, and pics from Costa Rica. In a day or two I will post some pics and a link to an album that I'm creating. Mike K. - you're gonna love them!

One of the fun things that I've done recently is go to "Celebrity Autobiographies". Brilliant concept. Celebrities reading from other celeb's autobiographies. Kristen Johnson was Mr. T, Richard Kind was Vanna White, Kristin Wiig read the early poems of... Suzanne Sommers, Alan Cumming read Tommy Lee, Jackie Hoffman read from Ivana Trump - after all that... the cast split up and read from Liz Taylor/Debbie Reynolds/Eddie Fisher recounting the same events from the three perspectives... same was done with Burt Reynolds/Sally Field/Lonnie Anderson. It was quite an evening.

This past Saturday there was a phenomenal party for a friend who is moving to Singapore for two years. (hence the cake below) It was such a wonderful time - all the right people were there - a couple of great guys were missing, but they had other plans that evening. Funny though, there was one particular person there whom I'd never met, never spoken to, however... they knew an abundant amount of my personal... very personal history. We laughed A LOT and got along fantastically.

It's been a fun couple of months since I've last visited my own blog... I'll try to keep up more often :-)

Damn My Boobs Are Great

It took me three days to make, but it was worth it. The friend I made it for, and the peeps at the party seemed to get a kick out of it :-)

Do The FunkyChunky

Oh for Pete's sake - why did someone have to invent this scrumptious melange of popcorn, pecans, almonds, caramel, cashews and two different types of chocolate drizzled over it? Harry and David should watch and learn from Erica & Ronni.

I got this as a Hanukah gift.... my expanding ass thanks them.

Meet Tibby - The Newest Member of My Family

She's midnight blue... and fast :-)

Broadway is Back - Including Raul !!

Friday morning I woke up and didn't feel that great... really... I mean it... I really didn't... I swear *cough... cough* - So I decided to call in sick to work and then attend the Broadway is Back "show" at the Marquis. The large and prodigious rumor mill asserted that each performer(s) there would sing a song from their show. This would make the whole affair run probably about an hour and a half. Not so..... I feel bad for the people who waited for hours. The show was only a half an hour at best.

Following is a link to the article describing the event. I'm too lazy to properly recount the festivities. PLAYBILL ARTICLE

and here is a pic I took at the end: Yes, that is "Elphaba" next to Ms. Lansbury......


Since I had a plethora of time left in the day - I decided to play tourist in my hometown and take some pics. The obligatory stops at "The Tree", Rock Center stores, and Radio City.



On the side of Radio City:


As if I didn't drink enough coffee so far, I made my regular pilgrimage to my java addicted soul's mecca - Porto Rico Coffee on Bleeker and then to Enfleurage where they have the most delicious selection of candles and soaps. (The subway was particularly fragrant by the way...)

Dear God I was hungry! Good thing, because I was meeting some friends for Mexican at my favorite place that also haaaaaapens to have my favorite waiter. First a stop at Posh for drinks (I was invited for the Secret Gay Conspiracy meeting) where I was introduced to a friend's friend with whom I had a spirited conversation about.... Raul. Let's just say we agree to disagree :-) However, he said I was pretty so he automatically becomes a new BFF and gets a blog mention :-) His blog: cowsinthebarn

Capping the evening off was some Coldstone which is conveniently down the block from the restaurant. The last time I had it, it was bland and tasteless. This time, I picked well... dark chocolate mint ice-cream with brownies.

After the sheer amount of food I consumed in such a short period of time, it was quite a surprise that I didn't throw up on the train back to my car. Although I did feel like it.

Definitely not a Weight Watchers kinda day.

Pricilla Presley Is Beginning To Scare Me

Pricilla used to be one of the most beautiful women in the world... now....


She's beginning to look like Pricilla Queen of the Desert






or worse... her former son-in-law

It's a Doggie Doo World.....

So.... was the illustration really necessary to get the message across?

My Roomate

Over the past year I've discovered a bunch of things about my roomate. Some good.... some enlightening.

She:

• Sometimes leaves dishes in the sink too long
• Needs to remember to put money in her savings account
• Loves her cats
• Has more than occasional insomnia lately
• Forgot just how much she loves hockey
• Should really call Motorola about her busted phone
• She has a bunch of good friends - who sometimes drive her nuts
• Can cook and bake like it's her job, but it's really just a hobby
• Thinks more people should keep their word
• Makes herself "too available " to people because she loves to spend time with her circle of family and friends
• Has gotten a little more adventurous
• She tends to trusts people too soon - not in the OMG we're gonna be BFF's immediately way - cause that's just creepy - but always sees the good side, until it's way too late.
• Her job isn't nearly as challenging as she really wants
• Has come to terms with the fact that she cannot have children.. unless she adopts (that was not as difficult to deal with as she thought, but still had to deal with it)
• Needs to get out an explore the world more, but is too tired with life lately.......
• Is a good person who has people that love her, even though she doesn't feel that way sometimes

Did I forget to mention that I live alone?

Being a Peeping Tom - Or How I Met Auntie Mame

So on Thursday, after a gut busting dinner of really good Mexican food it was decided that we needed to walk it off by getting... hot chocolate. Logical right? I thought I was going to explode, but passing up peppermint hot chocolate at Chocolate Bar... not going to happen! After leaving the store, we were passing all the lovely dwellings on Hudson Street and came upon one in particular where the inhabitants were having a small cocktail party that we watched for a moment. Thoughts of a life in one of those houses were discussed amongst us. As we were about to pass the livingroom window one friend stopped dead in front and starting waving at them. Thinking he was a little nuts and high on the hot chocolate we laughed, but he still kept waving. Well it turns out that one of the party-goers was a friend of his. Said friend came out to greet us and invited us in to join them.

What a wonderful and eclectic group we were! They were so incredibly warm and inviting. One woman in particular (the aunt of the party goer's partner) stood out and completely enthralled me. She was a fantastically tipsy jewelry designer and former singer. She kept hugging me. After telling her that one of my friends was not my boyfriend as she thought, and that actually *they* were the ones that were together, she made me promise that I would do my best to make sure that my two friends got married and had a nice life together. She also kept singing to me. I wanted her to adopt me.

What a fun and unexpected evening. The best kind.