Sick & Tired

Someone once said to me that I would regret not getting married and having kids - because who will help take care of me when I am alone, sick and need help? They were right.

Because now... it would be nice to have someone to come home to to let me complain about the tests they are doing on me and just be there for me. I am so tired of taking care of everything myself - and now that I am ill.... it's getting sorta tough. I can't wait until they finally put me on meds so that I will get some relief.... physical and emotional. Helping the physical will help the emotional. It's the nature of what is going wrong. Everything is breaking down right now.... and it's hard to get someone to really understand that when I say I am tired.... it's soul crushing exhaustion. I don't sleep. Possibly 2 hrs a night for a few months now. The physical pain is really hard to deal with. Everything hurts. By the end of the day.... I can barely get myself into my car. It is really upsetting when it's blown off.......

I don't want to burden my Mom, etc... by constantly calling - so I try and keep it to a minimum, and have to restrain myself from calling and complaining.

Like I said - eventually when I see the specialists.... most of the symptoms will at least subside a bit ... they better, because I don't know how much I can put up with.

I've always joked around and said "oh, my niece will take care of me when I am old and need family"... well, right now, she is 7 1/2 ... so yeah... not exactly equipped yet - even though she is the light of my life.

Oh, and what about friends? When you need someone to turn to - you really see all to well who is a real presence in your life and who is a "ghost". Unfortunately, I have more ghosts than I particularly care to have - and when all you need is a hug - vapor isn't very comforting.

Radioactive

I think the kids in the after school science class rather enjoyed the geiger counter crazily going off when passed along my throat. No there is no danger.... just the remnants of a scan. One asked if I knew what super power I was going to develop :-)

Whenever you are feeling stupid - read these....

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?


Answer: 'I would not live forever, because we should not
live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever,
then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever,
which is why I would not live forever,'


-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest .

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'Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids
all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love
to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and
death and stuff.'
--Mariah Carey

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'Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very
important part of your life,'
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become
Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign .

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'I've never had major knee surgery on any other part
of my body,'
-- Winston Bennett,
University of Kentucky basketball forward .

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'Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the
lowest crime rates in the country,'
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

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'I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through
our papers. We are the president.'
-- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of
subpoenaed documents.

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'That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death
by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,'
--A congressional candidate in Texas .

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'Half this game is ninety percent mental.'
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

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'It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's
the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.'
--Al Gore, Vice President


And ..


'We are ready for an unforeseen event that
may or may not occur.'
-- Al Gore, VP

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'I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix .'


-- Dan Quayle

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<>'We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much
clean air do we need ?'
--Lee Iacocca

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'The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A
genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.' -
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

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'We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude
certain types of people.'
-- Colonel Gerald & nbsp;Wellman, ROTC Instructor .

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'If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.'

--Bill Clinton, President

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'Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come
from overseas.'
--Keppel Enderbery


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'Your food stamps will be stopped effective
March 1992 because we received notice that
you passed away. May God bless you. You may
reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.'
--Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina

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'If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack
in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their
heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when
they wake up dead, there'll be a record.'
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
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Feeling smarter yet?

That's What Friends Are For

They:

are there when things are good or bad
and don't run at the first sign of a conflict
"get" your quirks
and don't judge you because of them
let you be stupid when you need to be
and understand why
are concerned with silence
are honest and appreciate honesty back
allow you in when they need someone
respect your feelings and
don't take your friendship for granted
don't make assumptions based on idle chatter
aren't afraid to tell you that they are glad you are their friend.

Late Monday Musing

After seeing Across the Universe again, I realized that while Jim Sturgess is immensely talented, I felt myself more drawn to Joe Anderson. Maybe because of the raw emotionality of his part, or maybe because he is.... hot. OK - Definitely both.

Goodbye Uncle Jack

Earlier this week my Uncle Jack passed away in Florida. He was the last of my grandparent's generation and was very special to me, as was my Auntie Anne (his wife). She passed away a couple of years ago. Uncle Jack would have been 99 in a few months and almost up until the end was still his gregarious self. Until recently he was still playing golf!

Jack was my Grandma Betty's brother-in-law and we saw him and Anne quite often. They were always so full of life and love for the family and I was always so excited when they visited.

I wish I could have visited with him one last time....... but isn't that always the case?

Crossroads

A crossroad. You don't see it coming most of the time until you are staring it directly in the face. It doesn't really matter what it is - it could be work, or deciding to change your appearance, not liking your where you are living and moving, or relationships. It can be simple as a haircut or more life changing.

Yesterday while wandering peacefully around Central Park, several scenarios came to mind that I had time to think clearly about without the interruptions of "daily life". It was rather lovely to be able to just have a stream of consciousness going.

One of thoughts that came meandering in was - when is it ok to give up when something is not working for you? When is the point where it's too much to keep going, and be able to find the strength to let go for your own well being? Taking control comes easy for some people..... it takes me forever to make those decisions because I tend to hang in there until it's too late. It's my faith and optimism that it's all ok that sometimes prevents me from seeing clearly. When the clouds finally part, I have a tough time dealing with the fallout, but eventually know exactly why things happen the way they do. There are the times of course, where I have a laser sharp vision right from the get go, but let things develop and see how they pan out. I am almost always right about my first vibes.

So now, at a crossroad... I have some decisions to make.

Fun With Weight Watchers Points

There is a site I use for reference when I need help with knowing how many points certain foods have. It was been a very valuable tool in helping me make healthy choices. I have tested some of the values and most of them are almost dead on within a half a point.

Here are some of the more eclectic values for those whose tastes run towards the adventurous:

Emu,cooked

1 oz.

1

Butter,regular

1 cup

51

Now *there's* a tasty treat eaten only while calling the cardiologist

Frog's legs,fried

2 (3 oz. with bone)

4

because really, fried WITHOUT the bone?... how gauche

Armadillo,cooked

1 oz.

1

Beaver,cooked

1 oz.

1

(insert joke here....)

Brewer's yeast

1 tsp.

0

Now, who is eating this as a snack?

Buffalo, water cooked

1 oz.

1

God knows, you wouldn't want to fry this to make it even tastier.....

Caribou,cooked

1 oz.

1

the point value that every overweight lion needs to have as a reference

Cholent

1 1/2 cups

5

I just felt every Jew reading this... shiver with disgust

Raccoon,cooked

1 oz.

2

apparently a beaver is leaner

Squirrel,cooked

1 oz.

1

hhhummmm - there is plenty of free food in my parking lot

As much fun as the listing of food can be - it really is a valuable tool in making decisions.

The Queen of White Lies

So I'm driving home from the City really, really late one night last week and a song came on the radio that I fell in love with immediately. - The Queen of White Lies. I found out that it is by a young local NYC band called the Orion Experience, led by Orion Simprini- they are so much fun. A little poppy throwback with an energetic, fresh great sound. Check them out - the album is called Cosmicandy.

Some lyrics from The Queen of White Lies:

Ooh you're like that Cheshire Cat,
There's a devil that resides behind your smile.
You've got them diamond eyes, they hypnotize
You're unsuspecting victims with your style.

A Rose By Any Other Name....

It just subliminally says....

GET ME A VAGINA AND QUICK!